The following article has been submitted by one of our members.
In 2018, my son (aged 4 at the time) was diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder. Over time I did quite a bit of research, spoke to many autistic people on forums and I started to notice a lot of common behaviors and traits that we shared. I decided to seek my own diagnosis, which finally came in March 2022.
There is a huge variation within autistic people in how it affects our everyday life - hence the term 'spectrum'. A common misconception is that this spectrum is linear - like a volume dial that can be set anywhere for 'somewhat' to 'extremely' autistic. In reality, the autism spectrum is much more like a big mixing desk in a recording studio with hundreds of knobs, dials and sliders, mixing all sorts of different combinations of things like social and communication difficulties, sensory sensitivities, repetitive behaviors and hundreds of other common autism traits. As such, I can only really speak with authority about my own personal experience of autism. From talking to lots of other autistic people, there is definitely quite an overlap and a lot of shared experiences, however it's worth emphasizing that just because something is true for me, it doesn't mean that it will be shared by all (or even that a particular experience is related to autism in the first place!)
If I had to pick one piece of knowledge to share with my friends, family and co-workers to give an insight into how autism affects me, it would be this: Autism doesn't prevent me from doing anything, but there are things that don't come naturally to me that take an enormous amount of concentration and energy, and they leave me exhausted and burned out if I spend too long doing them. Part of the reason that so many people go undiagnosed is that we appear to be perfectly capable on the outside because we internalise our struggles. Think of the swan gracefully gliding across the water - most people don't consider the feet flapping away wildly under the surface. Similarly most people only see what we can and can't do, but aren't aware of the effort involved. Remember when you first learned to drive and there were so many things to concentrate on that an hours lesson left you mentally drained? Or how laughable it was to imagine being able to focus on all these different things going on at the same time and hold a conversation with a passenger? That's how I often feel when I'm undertaking things that aren't in my natural skillset, such as being in large social situations or presenting.
Two particularly positive things have come from my diagnosis. The first is that it has allowed me to understand my strengths and weaknesses better - to identify the things that are very demanding of my energy, and some of the skills which come more naturally to me. This has allowed me to focus on managing my energy rather than my time - ensuring that I have a mixture of tasks which energise me (such as analytics or problem solving) as well as those that deplete my energy levels (leading projects or meetings, or presenting). Having discussed some of these with a handful of colleagues, I have started to feel a little more comfortable in asking for support or understanding, or to suggest a different approach, rather than worrying that people will think less of me - for example, if I ask for a bit of time to think about something and consider all the possibilities, rather than giving a response straight away.
The second positive is that it has given me a sense of reassurance. I remember from quite early in my childhood having a sense that I was not the same as everyone else around me, finding some things effortless and some things completely alien to me. It was always frustrating, maybe even concerning at times, that despite being quite academic and intelligent I seemed to struggle with very basic human skills that seemed to be natural to everyone but me - like how to talk to someone you've just met, how to compliment someone, or say the right thing to comfort them. Through talking to other autistic people it's been quite reassuring to know just how many people there are who also experience this, to understand that it's ok to struggle, and to realise that I'm not broken or faulty, I'm just different. And I'm ok with different. This article was written and submitted by Darren M. Thank you. Further reading on this topic can be found on the National Autistic Society website. If you would like to submit an article about a personal challenge or experience of fatherhood, please email: info@dadspace.co.uk
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